She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
