I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
