You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
