apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
