By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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