bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
