Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
