i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
