Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
