When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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