rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
