This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
there is glitter all over my balls
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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