Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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