what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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