It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
