I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
