i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
