the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
