She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
