Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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