I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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