Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found the puke drawer
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
