Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
