Plan B is the new Plan A
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
