i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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