Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Never underestimate the power of titties
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