whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...