Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.