We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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