why didn't you poke me back
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool