YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.