I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.