watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
