I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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