why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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