3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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