im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
