We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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