Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
