I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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