I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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