If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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