that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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