At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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