I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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