I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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