Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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