I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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