i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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