a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
