Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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