I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
