I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
