She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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