**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
