forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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