It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
