i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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