Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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