respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
