I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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