It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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