I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
