Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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