Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
