I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
