i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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