I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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