I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
