so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
