she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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