The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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