i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
